Impossible
by Angsty Glowstick
Summary: Takao's feelings never vanished, no matter how much he tries to tell himself otherwise... TYKA 4 of 4
1. I

**Impossible** (working title)

**Disclaimer** I don't own anything. Blah blah, the ususal.

**Summary** Takao's feelings never vanished, no matter how much he tries to tell himself otherwise…

**Warnings** boylove. I don't know what specifically might happen later in the fic!

**Notes **kindly ignore all mistakes; if someone wants to beta it that would be much appreciated. This is the first chapter of a story that shouldn't be more than 5 chapters long. Please read and enjoy the first part.

**WMWMWMW**

"Hey man!"

Kai paused mid-crunch and slowly lowered to the ground, shifting sideways to face the intruder. His heart fluttered and yet he cursed mentally: once again his goal of 300 straight crunches had been interrupted a few short. Takao stood at the side of the almost-empty gym dressed in sweats and waving at him. His brilliant, ever-present grin quickly diminished Kai's annoyance, who did his best to keep some control on a cross facial expression.

Kai let his head thud back onto the ground, his abdominals sore, as Takao quickly jogged over to the emerald-green mat he lay on. He puffed out his breath slowly and sat up to do some desperately needed stretches. Takao loomed over him, blocking the daylight from the great windows lining the walls.

"Takao," Kai gritted out after a few seconds as the bluenette contemplated him.

"Eheh, sorry, didn't mean to cut your workout short," Takao told him, sounding unapologetic.

Kai looked up, schooling his features into a scathing look. "No," he said sarcastically, "Just like you didn't yesterday. Or the day before." Despite his stony demeanor, he felt conscious inside. His heavy workout rendered him sweaty and in dire need of a shower. Takao's continued presence did not help this matter.

"Awh, come on, Kai," Takao said, managing a guilty grin, "What are you trying to do, get a ten pack? You know that's not possible."

Kai rolled his eyes out of sight and stretched his neck, feeling it crack satisfactorily. He did not change his head's bowed position until the other had the decency to move and let light flood his area again.

Takao twirled shamelessly and sent a charming grin toward a woman who gave him a look from across the vast gym. She gave an uncertain smile and turned back to her treadmill. Kai watched the exchange with his legs stretched and his arms lying tiredly between them. He couldn't deny the little something that tingled inside but he ignored it determinedly.

"So," the bluenette turned to him, "The weather's great. What do you say to a light jog down the town to the park? Unless you're tired, of course." He pulled off his ever-present baseball cap and ruffled his blue mane before jamming it back on confidently. Kai watched with a mixture of affection, exasperation, and surprise. He got to his feet.

"Let me take a shower," he told the other gruffly, walking away and leaving him standing with a brilliant smile adorning his face.

It was indeed a beautiful day, even though it had started out hot and stuffy. They jogged side by side, the nearing of sunset bringing with it a light breeze to counter the heat. For a few minutes they ran in silence, companionably in agreement of it. And then Takao spoke; Kai knew that someone like him could not go very long without starting conversation.

"I've got to meet up Hilary later. Around eight."

Kai remained silent for a second, the feeling pooling into his stomach definitely unpleasant. He "hn"ed unresponsively.

Takao looked at him sideways, not breaking step. "You know, Kai, I don't know how our relationship is going. I wanted to kind of give it a small break, maybe for a couple of days. But she doesn't want to. Hilary says it's going to ruin everything."

The ex-team captain remained silent for a moment before realizing that he was expected to answer. He turned his head and gave his friend a fleeting look.

"Are you asking for advice?"

Takao's incredulous look was quickly shattered by a laugh, "Gee, Kai. Yeah, maybe I am. I mean I love her and all but I don't want something to happen to what we have. You know?"

Kai honestly didn't know. He also felt awkward and didn't have anything meaningful to say.

"Is… there a problem?" he asked finally.

For the first time that day, Takao became subdued. He stared straight ahead contemplatively as they stopped and waited at a red light. When it turned green and they continued their journey amongst the many by-passers, he spoke.

"Yeah. I don't know. I think so. I mean, we've been arguing a lot and I feel like she's not really understanding my situation. She says I don't appreciate her efforts, but I don't know. I kinda wanted some time to figure things out—ugh this is so frustrating."

"Go on." Kai felt like the least thing he could offer was to listen, whether secretly he wanted to or not.

Takao puffed out his breath and laughed lightly. "You know what, I don't know what the hell I'm saying. This feels weird and I can't even explain it. Just ignore everything I've said."

Kai shrugged noncommittally as silence once again reigned. Takao's decision to end the subject matter came as a relief, as Kai wanted no part in it. And yet, now that the subject was closed, a little part of him inwardly wanted to hear more. He felt that there was something that Takao wasn't telling him. But what he wanted… he wanted to be told things that were never going to happen.

_Takao would never break off their __relationship. He's in love with her. In love with her. _

He stared ahead as Takao attempted to make light conversation about their days, Kai's workout program, the people walking and exercising and playing around them. They had reached the park and were down jogging down a beaten dirt path popular between the locals. Kai replied to his friend's prodding words only when absolutely necessary, falling into a calm familiarity in his friend's company.

He appreciated it, he really did. He was grateful of every second he got to spend with the man beside him. The charming, funny, caring, gorgeous bluenette that persisted in spending time with him every day. And every day Kai appreciated it and yet it hurt inside because he wished it could have been only a little different…

Kai looked ahead as they jogged over a bridge that was the mark of the dirt path ending in the open fields of the park and the beginning of it in a spiral through a luscious forest. He smelled pine and lavender and soil as they ran. The trees were a shaded gold, red, and green as the sky slowly darkened overhead and the sun emitted its beautiful spectrum of shades. Takao was saying something about their past—their final, incredible tournament—even as he puffed on his breath lightly. Kai listened and nodded and yet his mind was wandering again.

If only things had been a little different, then his life would have been perfect. He had everything he needed: great friends, experience, an education, a job, wealth, property. He had it all but the one thing his heart yearned for most. The one thing that could never ever happen to him, not the way he wanted it to.

Kai Hiwatari yearned for love.

And the only person whom he wanted it from was not only taken, but a person who could not possibly feel the same way about him. Kai looked feverishly to his right, catching Takao's bright eyes and shining expression in the dying embers of the sun. He felt a tug on his heart and his throat constricted with happiness and regret at the same time. Someone so beautiful, so loving, so understanding.

But he could not have that beauty. That love was only platonic in nature towards him. And Takao would never understand. Not this…

Takao's expression faltered slightly. "Are you alright? Kai?"

"I'm fine," Kai mumbled, looking away as they cleared the forest into another open park and simultaneously slowed down. Both of them panted lightly, both were sweaty but the air was crisp and fresh. They walked slowly through people scattered on the grass, on benches. Through running dogs and kids who were determined to play until the day's last moment. Through couples who walked and giggled and held hands affectionately.

Kai realized that the other was headed toward the artificial lake situated in the middle of the park and followed aimlessly. The advanced to the shore slowly and sat down. The lake housed a group of ducks swimming lazily in the darkening water. Amongst them, gliding majestically as though their queen, was a lone stark white swan. Her elegant neck curled and broke the surface of the glassy liquid; the ducks around it quacked in applause.

Takao and Kai watched this peculiar scene contently. The bluenette turned to his companion.

"Odd, ne. Never seen a swan like that with a bunch of ducks. It's so beautiful."

Kai shrugged a shoulder lightly in reply.

"Man, wish I could've thought of bringing a camera. This would've made an amazing photo, don't you think?" Takao mourned.

The other wordlessly reached into his back pocket and pulled out his expensive Nokia cellphone. He handed it over, silently conveying to use the excellent built-in camera it contained. Takao took it without hesitation.

"Which reminds me that I forgot my cell phone, eheh. This isn't the same as having a real camera but I guess it'll do…"

For a while, Kai simply watched as Takao took enough photos of the scene to satiate his interest. He then spontaneously dropped beside the other and shot them a photo with flash. Kai, who hadn't expected it, made a hasty grab for Takao, but the bluenette rolled away laughing and punching keys on the communication device. He hat fell away a few feet over.

"Kinomiya," Kai gritted out, leaning over to make another grab.

"There, I sent it to myself. You can delete it all you want now," Takao said triumphantly, handing the phone back willingly. Kai glared at him and stared at the photo. His expression that bordered between unawareness and surprise gave made him look funny, as though he might have just been slapped in the face. He sighed in exasperation and flipped his phone shut, regretting offering it in the first place.

Takao, smiling as ever, lay down beside him. "Don't delete those other photos I took, though. Send them to me later."

Kai snorted, "Don't count on it."

"Hey, not even you is that mean. Besides, if I don't get those photos by tomorrow then I'm sending the picture I just took of you to the media. I'll let them write up any matching story that suits them." The bluenette's grin was devilish as Kai looked down into his face, as though he would really do such a thing.

For a moment their eyes met head on and Takao fell silent as the stared into each others' orbs. Kai's heart beat furiously and his breath hitched; Takao's face was so warm and open and imploring. His hair was messy with sweat and from tumbling onto the ground, and his lips were pink and luscious and slightly open. Even in his seated position Kai's head involuntarily dipped a sixteenth of an inch, his hair falling into his face and shielding his eyes. He felt wild and crazy and out of control. And then Takao's expression changed.

"Kai—Oh shit!" he sat up suddenly, nearly colliding his head with Kai's. "Give me your phone!"

Confused, panicked, and feeling sick in his stomach, Kai recoiled further and shot him his best glare. Inwardly, he was reeling from what had almost, _almost _happened.

"No, really—damn it. What's the time?"

Fumbling for something to do, Kai pulled out his mobile phone and read off that it was five past eight in a voice as steady as he could make it. The sky had darkened considerably now: the lighting came from electrical poles lining the area. Most of the people were gone. In the corner of his eye Kai could see a last stroller walking away.

At hearing the time Takao became frantic, jumping to his feet quickly and picking up his hat.

"Ah, sorry Kai, but I got to run. I can't believe that I forgot about my meeting with Hilary. You know what, I'll catch you later, is that alright? Sorry. Bye!"

He jogged away quickly, his form soon becoming silhouetted and enveloped by the dark. Kai remained seated in his spot, feeling empty, eyes never leaving the distance at which his friend's back had disappeared.

**WMWMWMW**

**Notes **second part to be uploaded tomorrow if I find reviews!


	2. II

**Disclaimer **if you absolutely need to see one, check chapter one.

**Notes **chapter two as promised! Thank you** vampirebat123** and **Manga Murder**. I do appreciate your reviews. I was hoping for more, but two are better than none!

**WMWMWMW**

Takao ran to his dojo residence as fast as he could. He threw the door open and ignored his grandfather's inquiry as he raced toward the bathroom. Quickly stripping himself, he jumped under the shower and began to scrub furiously at himself. He was late! He couldn't believe he had completely forgotten about Hilary and their meeting… for the third time that week. But this time it was different; he had promised that he would be there on time…

His shower took only a few minutes, then he was out and speed walking to his room, dripping wet and his only cover a towel around the waist. He heard the distinct ringtone of his cell phone as he reached his room, and made a beeline for it.

"H-hello?"

"Takao! Is that you?"

"Uh, yeah. Hey Hil," Takao lodged the phone between his ear and shoulder and attempted to begin getting dressed.

"Is something the matter? Did something happen?" the voice sounded slightly worried.

"Umm… no, it's all fine. I'm just, er.."

"Where are you Takao? I've been waiting for half an hour."

"Oh. Uh. Yeah, sorry. I was running kind of late and, yeah. Be there in fifteen, promise."

"Wait—fine. See you." Hilary sounded reserved. She hung up before he could put another word in.

Takao cursed and dressed quickly before drying his hair and sporting his trademark hat. He looked in the mirror to make sure he looked presentable in his black pants, white dress shirt, and red sports jacket. Shrugging, he plucked his keys and mobile phone off his bed. He was about to leave when he remembered another important thing he should be taking with him. He grabbed it as he made his way out, calling as he did so, "Grandpa, I'm borrowing the car. I'll probably be late, don't wait for me."

He heard Grandpa Kinomiya shout something in reply in the background, but he didn't know what it was because he was already outside and pulling out of the driveway.

It didn't take long to get to the nearby local restaurant. It was fancy but not too formal; a comfortable environment to have a nice date. His nice date was already off to a bad start, however. He was over 45 minutes late, a period in which his girlfriend had been patiently waiting for him. Feeling guilty and like the biggest jerk on Earth, he parked and made his way to the designated meeting place.

He found Hilary seated at the table, looking conscious about being all alone. She was dressed in a soft green fancy top and a straight knee-length grey skirt with matching heels. Her hair was pulled back into a short wavy ponytail. The dim golden light brought out red highlights in it and she looked beautiful. Feeling another wave of guilt wash over him, he made his way to her.

"Hey love," he murmured as reached her and sat down. She looked up and smiled but it looked unsure.

"I'm so sorry about being late. I guess I have no excuse—just got carried away with Kai—but I promise I'll make it up to you," he reached over and held her hand, but it did not relax on his touch.

"I called you like three times beforehand, why didn't you pick up?" Hilary asked.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot my phone at home. You could've tried Kai's, you know I always hang around with him."

Her gaze hardened, "It's always about Kai, isn't it?"

He looked at her in surprise, "What? What do you—"

At that moment a waitress showed up, smiling politely at them. "May I take your orders now, Ma'am?"

"Yes," Hilary said distractedly, "I'll have the chicken teriyaki with rice on the side. And oh, a salad as well please."

"No problem. And you, sir?" she turned to Takao, busily jotting down notes.

Takao faltered for only a moment and then picked up the menu undecidedly. "Um…"

"Would you like me to come back in a few minutes?" the waitress offered.

"Yes," Takao agreed readily, "That would be good. Can we order a bottle of your best brandy in the meantime?"

She nodded and strolled away, little notebook in hand. The clinking of her heals disappeared as it combined with the noise of the busy diner.

"So," the bluenette turned back to his girl, "What was all that about?"

Hilary merely sipped on her glass of water calmly. "What?"

"You know. It being all about Kai."

"Just forget it, Takao. You're supposed to be looking through the menu," she gestured to the manual, but Takao could sense in a distance in her actions.

"Look, I said I'm sorry, alright? And I really am. I was thinking about this all day and then I decided to take a jog to take my mind off things and its completely my luck that I just lost track of the time," he tried to reason, but sounded desperate even to himself.

She shook her head lightly, "Just drop it. Let's enjoy the time we're going to spend together."

Takao sighed and ran a hand over his face, feeling terrible. He did as told however, making lighter conversation which Hilary approvingly participated in. When the waitress came around once more, Takao ordered his food enthusiastically. It was natural of him to smile, but he found himself doing it more often, attempting to cover up for the uncertainty and nervousness that was building up within him.

They had an enjoyable meal, but for once Takao never brought up Kai's name in all of their conversing. He felt conscious about his girlfriend's earlier comment and decided to keep their unspoken conflict at a minimum. He did his best to relay his regret through subtle actions, however. He gently held Hilary's hand, complimented her look for the evening. He participated without protest in any subject she chose and paid the bill when they were ready to leave.

They decided to take a short walk afterward, being as they were in the midst of the nightlife of their city. They didn't talk much, which was an open invitation for Takao's thoughts to run wild. His heart began to thud with anticipation and his palms became sweaty. He rubbed them uncomfortably on his jacket.

The area they had reached was a small park that belonged to one of the residential condominiums. Stopping by a nearby bench, away from the busy street, Takao guided Hilary to sit down on it. He bit his lip nervously, but made a final decision.

"Hilary, I know today wasn't great and I know it's my fault," he began, shifting uncomfortably, "I wanted things to be perfect, but I guess it doesn't always turn out that way."

"Takao?" she questioned softly.

"I—this may not be the best time to do this but—" he dropped down to one knee in front of her and looked up into her shadowed features. His hand fumbled to find the little jewelry box buried in his pocket. "Hilary, will you marry me?"

For a second time came to a standstill. There was no movement and no reaction. And then it suddenly continued on; a range of expression flew over the brunette's face, as though to compensate for the lost time. First there was surprise and then happiness and disbelief. That was soon covered by a solemn look and then her features closed off, not letting him read what she was thinking.

"I—Takao, I—I don't know what to say," she stumbled over her words unsurely.

The blunette blew out his breath, trying not to let out an insane laugh from the pressure he was experiencing then. He had nothing to say after his proposal either. "Well, you know what I would rather you said…" he joked lightly, though his insides were on fire.

The next moment Hilary had slid down to her knees before him, pulling him to her and embracing him tightly. He almost fell back in surprise but managed to regain his balance and return her hug. Her hand snaked along his arm to his hand and closed the little jewelry box with a definite, final _clink_, obscuring the beautiful diamond ring within.

"You're right," she whispered, and her voice sounded choked as she buried her face in his shoulder, "You're right. This isn't the best time to propose."

"Hilary," Takao managed to breathe, his mind reeling.

"I'm sorry, Takao, but I can't. I love you but that isn't enough to make a marriage work…"

"But I love you too Hilary, I would do anything for you!"

"I think your heart belongs to someone else," she whispered and her breath on his cheek made him tremble.

"What does that mean?" he demanded, panicked.

"Takao, all those times you can't see me, seem to forget about me, where I always come last in your life—"

"That's not fair," he pulled back, cutting through her. He looked deep into her chocolate brown eyes, trying to decipher her thoughts, "That's not _true_. Are you accusing me of cheating on you? That there is someone else?"

"_Is_ there someone else?" she countered.

"N—No! How can you say that? I thought we trusted each other!"

She sat back against the leg of the bench tiredly, "I'm not accusing you of anything. But Takao, I can't do this anymore when there's always someone else I have to share you with!"

"Wha—"

"Don't you get it! Kai!"

This time the bluenette did not attempt to block his laughter.

"That's.. crazy…"

"No. It's not. You never forgot about him, did you. Don't you realize? Kai's in every aspect of your life. Even the parts that I'm not involved in. You always seem to forget about _me_ because of him. You don't show up when you're supposed to because you're with him. I always come last because Kai seems to come first, then your grandpa, and then me." She looked away, rubbing lightly on her bare arms. Takao flailed for a moment, not knowing what to say.

Hilary looked back into his face, "My answer is no, Kinomiya Takao. I will not marry you." She reached over and squeezed his hand in her smaller one, "I think you're proposing to the wrong person."

Takao held her hand in a death grip, feeling as though he'd been struck by lightning, "What are you saying…"

"Don't deny it," she whispered, "Why are you doing this? To me? To _yourself_? Just admit that you're in love with him."

He threw his arm over his face and inhaled sharply, "This is, this is—"

"Tell me the truth."

"I loved him once," Takao said softly, finally, not meeting her eyes.

_Flashback_

"_Tell me the truth Kinomiya Takao!"_

"_This is insane…"_

"_You have feelings for Kai, don't you?!"_

"_I— " he looked into her triumphant stare, panicked, "You can't tell him anything. You can't tell anyone!"_

_Hilary's features softened, "Don't worry. But maybe you should tell him yourself."_

"_No," Takao shook his head fervently, a sad smile forming on his face, "That's impossible. Promise to keep it a secret."_

"_Promise. But I think one day he'll figure it out if you keep being so obvious…"_

_Years later_

"_Takao, do you know what you're asking? What about Kai—"_

"_He doesn't have to do with this. Don't you trust that my feelings for you are genuine?"_

"_I don't know. I don't want to get tangled up in something that will never work."_

"_Kai… Kai's gone. Anything I felt for him is gone. He's a part of the past now."_

"_Then promise me you forgot about him. Promise me, Takao."_

_He faltered for a moment._

"_I promise."_

_Seven months later, Kai came back._

"You still do."

It was at this moment that their eyes met and Takao's soul unraveled. He felt powerless to lie before her scrutinizing gaze.

"You're right. I do."

They sat in silence as her tears fell, though he felt cold and made no motion to comfort her.

"I do love you, Hilary," he offered, finally, at a loss.

She shook her head as she staggered to her feet.

"You can't love two people. It's me, or him. I think we both know the truth about this matter."

Hilary walked away, hugging herself as she did so. Takao sat in a blank stupor for a while. Then he cursed and punched the bench furiously; his fingers burned but he did not care.

Everything was ruined. _Everything._

And it was all his fault.

**WMWMWMW**

**End n****otes** chapter three on the way, and if you guys want it, you know what to do (hint: it has to do with the review button!)


	3. III

**Disclaimer **yeah, I own all of this, in my dreams.

**Notes **chapter three is here! Sorry its late, but thanks to all who reviewed: **Manga Murder**, **CCSRonin**, **Marondo**, and **1chucha2**.

**CCSRonin**: that kind of what I was aiming for, its great that you got that vibe!

So, here's what happens next. Enjoy!

**WMWMWMWMW**

Takao went home afterward.

His heart had constricted painfully beyond belief so that as he drove home he felt lightheaded. He couldn't remember a thing of the trip when he finally pulled into the driveway of the dojo. It was nearing midnight, and he could see a lone window light in his house. He guessed that his old grandfather must have went to bed by then.

Dazedly walking toward his house, he stopped at the front door. He couldn't muster the energy to unlock it; he was certain that the second he entered his family home he would start bawling. He didn't know why he would cry—because he lost Hilary or because she was right? What he did know is that there was no way he would disturb his grandfather.

_I could go to a bar,_he thought, and then chuckled under his breath. What a stupid idea. He was never the type to flee from overwhelming emotions by drowning them out. How could have things gotten so out of hand? When Kai had returned after his disappearing act, Takao's heart had thud with painful joy. Then his feelings began to gush in again, and no matter how much he tried to resist them he completely _failed_. But he had Hilary by then, and she loved him. And it's not like Kai would ever return his feelings…

Takao slid down to the steps, defeated.

Had he used Hilary after all? He loved her, of course. He loved her. But did he love her the way he should have? Not too long ago, he was able to ignore all these doubts. Everything was simple in his mind: he would propose and Hilary would say yes and he'd be trapped and force himself to forget about anyone else…

How unfair to her. He was not only the biggest jerk on earth; he was the most selfish human being to ever be born.

Growling with disgust and pain, he jumped up, unable to stay stationary. This was… this was too much. Just by putting it on the table Hilary had made it so unavoidable. He couldn't ignore it and he didn't have her any longer and everything was messed up.

Of course he had been wrong in being late all the time, not paying her enough attention, constantly talking about Kai. But he had just been trying to make the Kai situation neutral. How could it go so out of hand…

Hilary had finally snapped. Could he let her go?

His heart gave a pang and he jumped back into the old car, pulling out of the driveway once more. He was sure there was no way he would be able to sleep tonight. He was going to go crazy if he kept thinking about this in circles, he needed something to do!

Should he call Max? Max's enthusiasm might take his mind off things a little.

There were four rings before the blonde picked up.

"Hullo?" he sounded groggy. He had obviously been asleep.

Takao was silent for a moment. He considered just hanging up but finally said, "Uh, Maxie?"

"Yo, Takao," Max's voice cleared up a little, "Sorry, I'm just beat. Been running around all day. What's up?"

"Oh," Takao replied unintelligently, having trouble concentrating on the road while trying to think up of something. "Nothing. I think I rang you by accident."

"Hahah," Max laughed, "What's going on?"

"No, really. Just go back to bed. I'll catch you tomorrow."

"Eh, alright then. Goodnight."

After the line clicked off, Takao was about to chuck his phone and hit the gas pedal from frustration. Instead, he thought of Kai and his hand tightened on the little device. Could he call Kai right now? Did he want to see Kai?

When did ever not want to see Kai? Kai could probably help him. Maybe he would be able to talk about what happened and just draw comfort from being close to his friend…

"Yeah?"

"It's Takao," the bluenette spoke softly into the receiver.

"I know," there was a pause, "Something up?"

"Kind of," Takao chuckled unwillingly and then cleared his throat, wincing, "You going to sleep any time soon?"

"No," Kai replied slowly.

Takao hesitated, "Can I come over for a beer or something?"_ Please_, he wanted to add pathetically.

Kai's answer held no uncertainty. "Kinomiya. I'll be waiting."

Takao's hand held his cellphone in a death grip after the call as he steered with his other. His heart had done a scary kind-of fluttering somersault at Kai's words, and then it had beat painfully. _I'll be waiting_…

He smiled but it was then that everything hit him properly and his eyes filled with tears, blurring the road. He wiped them away impatiently; it was a good thing that the area had very little traffic at that time. As he drove to Kai's house, he tried not to think of how he was going to handle things. Would he tell Kai about his failed proposal and his break up? Would he act like nothing happened and he was simply looking for something to do?

When he reached the house, he felt relieved. It felt so familiar to see the beautiful structure set within the high class area, despite the fact that he didn't visit here a lot. He had been mostly to Kai's family mansion, which the heir hated with a passion. After much thought, he had decided to leave it for up keeping by hired maids and to find a small, cozy place of his own. He seemed happy with his new life, and it made Takao content. If the bluenette was to admit it, he found the old mansion, despite it grandeur, rather creepy.

He parked behind Kai's expensive car, the contrast between the old Kinomiya vehicle and the sleek auto appalling. He couldn't care less as he trudged by neatly manicured grass and pretty little trees adoring the front lawn. Kai, looking as ravishing as ever in a grey tank and black slacks, was waiting for him at the door as promised

Takao inhaled lightly and smiled as Kai let him in. He walked into the richly decorated house, beautiful lit by warm lights. It was a comfortable kind of environment, truly a place to relax after a long day. The warm hues of the walls, floors, and furniture were at the same time general and unique to the Hiwatari. Takao was ushered to an open living room, with a handsome but unlit fireplace. He dropped onto the leather couch tiredly.

There was a bottle of fine wine and two tall glasses on the side table. Kai poured and offered him one before taking a seat across. He hunched over, glass in hand, and contemplated the blunette.

"You don't look too thrilled, I see," he commented. Takao knew that it meant _start talking_.

Takao reclined back to escape the gaze, intensified by the suggestive lighting, and took a slow sip. He sighed after a few moments.

"Life's so crazy," he mused, "Takes unexpected turns sometimes and leaves you reeling."

"Why, did Ms. Tachibana ask you to marry her?" Kai joked, lightly. Takao couldn't help his reaction; he sat back stiffly, staring at Kai. He couldn't believe how close to home the other had hit without even realizing it. Kai's perceptiveness didn't miss his reaction; he rose an eyebrow cautiously.

Takao wanted to slap himself in the face. He contented himself with throwing a hand to cover his expression, which he found he could not control for a moment. Then he revealed his features again, frowning.

"No," he replied glumly, "We broke up."

Something flashed for the briefest of moments on Kai's face, but it was gone before Takao could even process the command to identify it. He suddenly couldn't look at Kai anymore, feeling ashamed. To flee from the watchful, contemplative eyes of the other man, he busied himself with pulling off his jacket and chucking it on the seat beside him. He then added another open button to the few unbuttoned on his shirt, feeling like he might suffocate.

Kai's eyes slowly travelled from the new addition to his collarbone and then back to his face, but his expression didn't change. Takao felt self conscious and hoped that any blush he had would be mistaken for a trick by the lighting arrangement.

"Well?" he asked uncomfortably, easing back into the couch, "You want to say something?"

Kai took a sip, put his glass aside beside Takao's, and ran a hand through his hair. He shrugged, "It's you who needs to talk. Not me."

"Yeah," Takao agreed, looking away to the dark, tall windows of the room in which he could see a faint reflection, "I—really don't know. I guess it was inevitable, I should have known. I don't know why I was trying to act like it _could never happen_."

Kai bowed his hand, glass in hand once more, and simply nodded.

"Yeah," the blunette continued as though he had heard an audible answer, "I should've known… I wasn't giving the relationship my best and it's so selfish of me to think that while she gave me everything I just expected her to never be fed up with it. Now that I realize it, it feels terrible, Kai."

He clumsily grabbed his glass and downed it in one swallow. Kai refilled it silently.

"So… so stupid…" Takao spoke, "I asked her to marry me, can you believe that?" Kai looked up in surprise. Takao grimaced, "How could I have ever been so stupid, thinking that she would accept ignoring our problems with me. That we could simply not mention them and get married."

It was an awkward moment. A certain previous shine in Kai's eye had dulled.

"Kai, I know I sound pathetic but… am I really such an idiot? Did I expect too much?"

"Things don't always go the way you planned them to go," Kai replied quietly.

"No…" Takao laughed desperately, "After all, who expected her to realize…" he trailed off and, head leaned back on the couch, stared at the intricate ceiling.

"Realize what?" Kai managed to ask.

"She thinks there is someone else," he replied, tiredly, carelessly.

The ex team-captain now leaned back, as well, though he continued to look at his guest out of the corner of his eyes. Finally, he said, "Is there someone else?"

"Yeah," Takao choked out. "I never cheated on her. But I guess its really the same thing… I haven't been completely true to her with my feeling. I do love her. Or I don't know. I'm just so confused.

There was a slightly shocked pause, and it was Kai who ended it, "Who is it?" Takao may have imagined it, but the tone seemed slightly harsh at the edges.

He drank more wine and felt a pleasant buzz in his head. He seeped further back into the couch, trying to continue evading Kai's unwavering stare.

"I—I can't…" he murmured nervously. Suddenly he felt that he shouldn't have came here at all. His heart was thudding and it still hurt but at the same time Kai was only a few feet away and his love for him was pulsing in his chest. If only he could not talk for once, simply reach over and grip Kai's calloused hand tightly in his…

"I mean," Takao continued, "I don't want to talk about it."

Kai was alertly speculative once again, reaching out to slowly pour more wine. After he'd had a thoughtful sip, he asked, "Why not?"

Takao pursed his lips, resisting his initial desire to look up at his companion with shock. This was one of the few times Kai took a 180 and actually decided to prod about something. And it was a very bad time for it to happen as well. He sighed and looked sideways and dazedly watched his own hand fidget on the armrest of the couch. He felt too lazy to stop it.

"I don't want them to know," he decided to say finally, hoping that it would end this whole patchy conversation.

But Kai seemed to have other plans, "You don't want her to know?"

Takao did sit up now, staring straight into Kai's burning orbs, whose expression was unreadable as ever. He flailed for a moment; _her?_ "Yeah," he whispered, Kai's eyes making a pang known in his chest.

Kai broke the eye contact, offering him a newly filled glass of wine. Takao reached out, but instead of grabbing the glass he grabbed Kai's hand. They set the fragile object back on the table together, but then their contact was broken and Takao found his heart beating shakily as he sat back yet again. What was wrong with him?

"I never want her to know," he breathed, and grabbed his jacket. He had to get out of there! The atmosphere was getting to him and he might end up doing something he'd regret for the rest of his life. He would never be able to take the disgust on Kai's face, not now…

Kai quickly stood up and followed him to the door.

"Wait," he said once they reached it. Takao turned to him, drained. Kai's expression was not closed off, for once. Takao could see something in it and yet he couldn't understand it and he couldn't stand looking for too long because his eyes were filling with tears and he just wanted to cry.

"I—I need to go," he stuttered, throwing the door open.

Kai's fingers clamped tightly on his shoulder. "Kinomiya. Why?"

His soft voice only made Takao want to scream.

"My girlfriend just broke up with me and the person I like will never feel the same way. I think I should go sleep, I can't think straight anymore." He couldn't find the power to pull away from the other's clutch, for Kai held on.

"Listen, Takao," he began, in that tone of voice that made Takao feel broken inside and want to hug him until all eternity, "It's not the end of the word. You should tell the girl you like…"

"No…" Takao cut through him, "…_she_ can never know…" he felt pathetic and cowardly as he sped to his car and pulled away, giving a last wave to Kai, who still stood at his door as if he hadn't realized that Takao had already left.

Takao cursed at himself angrily. After driving for a while, he stopped in an empty parking lot and sobbed until he felt some of his tangled emotions ease up.

**WMWMWMWMW**

**Note **Please, please, please review. For the love of Tyka? I mean, think about it: reviews mean MOAR STORY which means TYKA. Its only logical…


	4. IV

**Disclaimer:** see chapter one or three. Whichever one. You'll find it.

**Notes:** Thanks to everyone who reviewed!! I really appreciate it and I'm so so sorry for this being so late. I don't want to give excuses but the reason for this is a combination of laziness, writer's block, and aspects of a demanding education. What can I say. I'm sorry again, please accept this as an uh, offering of peace?

Anyway, onto the finale! I have a really bad feeling that this chapter sucks (for some reason my writing skills have dwindled to what seems to be nothing) but I still hope you enjoy the closure!

**WMWMWMWMW**

Kai remained restless from the second Takao had left until the next morning. Despite his routine, he decided to take the morning off and check on his company in the afternoon. Being CEO had its advantages; besides, he had a few employees that he completely trusted and after a couple of phone calls everything was settled.

What was taking over his mind was far from settled, however.

He had slept little because he did not feel the need, and the rest of the time he did various activities while thinking. His thoughts resided on one subject, or rather one person: Takao.

As he had attempted to read over a latest article concerning the economic situation he could not focus because he mulled over his last meeting with the bluenette. After giving that up, he attempted to get some papers he needed to go through out of the way; however, that did not work too well either. An attempt at relaxing to some classical music ended fruitlessly as well. He was far too preoccupied with what had happened, what he had heard and seen and mostly what he had _noticed_. After flipping through the useless night television and musing on the situation some more, he had gone to bed.

Kai only slept for a few hours. Soon it was dawn and he was up, deciding to go for an early jog. The sun rose as he exercised but he barely noticed because his mind was still too full, trying to weight out his options. The reason of why he figured nothing out even after so many hours of _thinking_, he resorted, was that he was not concentrating on it and not going over it clearly. He was thinking about bits of it a time, which made everything jumbled. And thus, after calling his most prominent manager and being reassured about the company, he sat down determinedly with a mug of coffee. For a second his eyes travelled to the morning paper, which had been handed to him by the newspaper man on his return from his jog. Looking away purposefully, he stared out the patio doors into the bright backyard and decided that he was going to sort this all out.

He started with the basics.

Takao had called him last night unexpectedly. Then he had come over, looking worse for wear with something unsaid in his expression. As Takao talked about himself and Hilary, as he berated himself and sought reassurance, Kai attempted to stay neutral but supportive no matter how he inwardly felt. And yet, he could not help noticing how Takao's gaze was different, bursting with something to say. He could not forget the stuttered "I-I can't…" and the "I don't want them to know."

_Them?_ Since when did a person refer to another, singular, person in the plural? He could only guess that Takao did not want to lie and yet did not want to reveal something. And there was only one logical conclusion. _Him_. Of course Takao had referred to the person as her later on, but had that been after Kai had pressed the subject. This could be because he was put on the spot. Could it be? Could there be a possibility that Takao held feelings for a man, something which Kai thought would be impossible?

But that was not only it. Takao had said he didn't want _them_ to _know_. Kai did not press this but inwardly he knew that Takao trusted him, knew that Takao would never think that Kai would simply reveal his secret to that specific person, which could also be a stranger to Kai. And yet Takao did not want _them_ to _know_…

And then, quite spontaneously, he had grabbed Kai's hand. Touch was not something unfamiliar for the bluenette; after all, he liked closeness and thus hugging and patting and clasping. It could also have been that Takao needed some comfort after his break up. But the notion then seemed somehow different, as though the other was touching him with a whole different meaning.

Kai inhaled sharply and drank some coffee. He did not want to raise his hopes falsely, but he could not help the lingering feeling. And afterward, when Takao quickly let go of his hand, he had felt so disappointed…

He had tried, in those last few moments at the door, to be open. He had tried to give the bluenette some kind of a sign of his own feelings, but he did not think that Takao saw it. If there was a chance that Takao could, miraculously, have feelings for him, then why did he not recognize Kai's hint? Perhaps he was too pained from his break up to see anything subtle.

Which brought Kai right back to what started all of this. He could clearly tell that the other man had been feeling down and guilty the night before. And yet as Takao talked about the 'other' someone Kai became more and more doubtful that Takao's sadness was truly about Hilary. Could it be that Takao felt that he and his girlfriend broke up over someone who would never reciprocate his feelings?

Draining his cup and with a decision in mind, Kai got up and went to his study.

First he tried to check on Takao, whose cell phone, no matter how many times he called it, did not pick up. Trying to call the bluenette's house proved useless as well, making Kai worry slightly. He moved on to his second plan.

After Hilary's mobile number proved also impenetrable, Kai tried her house.

There were three rings before a woman said, "Hello?"

"Good morning," Kai greeted politely, "May I speak to Hilary?"

"Oh… who is this?" she sounded hesitant.

"This is Kai, Mrs. Tachibana. Please tell her that I need to speak with her."

"Oh, hello Kai. I'm sorry, I don't think she can speak to you right n—" Mrs. Tachibana was cut off by a voice in the background. He heard them squabble back and forth for a moment and then Hilary's voice came on the line.

"Hello?"

"Hilary."

"Kai," her voice had somehow lost some of its previous tenderness.

"If you don't mind me calling for a few moments…" he began, just to be considerate. After all the girl had gone through a break up the night before and could not possibly be feeling very chipper and sociable.

"No," Hilary sighed, "Go on." Her voice still held that distance to it, and Kai noticed that, after all, she sounded perhaps ill. _Or tearful_, he mused inwardly.

Leaning back on his study desk, he considered his next words for a moment before speaking again. And even then he was uncertain: "About you and Takao…"

"Don't pretend that you don't know." Did she sound amused or angry?

"I won't. I'm sorry."

He waited for a bit before she sniffled and said, "I don't want to talk about it."

Kai fingered some files on the table top, now feeling that this whole conversation was going wrong. He had had something in mind, but it was much harder to execute.

"Takao… didn't look too well yesterday. I called him earlier but he's not picking up…"

"I don't know about him and he hadn't tried to contact me," she said, "Are you asking me where he is? After all, you should know!"

Kai raised an eyebrow, "And why is that?"

"Oh, I don't know," she said, sounding even less friendly, "Why should you know?"

"Would you like to tell me?" Kai countered.

"Kai, I can't believe—_you_ of all people to call like this when it's all—" to his discomfort, he heard her sniffle a few more times and realized she was crying, "After last night I'm thinking there might be something but I guess Takao's the same as ever. Still a coward."

"Huh."

Kai was confused. He knew break ups could prove nasty but for Hilary to call Takao a coward, which, everything considered, was simply irrelevant…

"Kai, you're so dense!" Hilary now snapped through her tears, "Go out and see where he is! Goodbye!"

And before he managed to say anything else, she hung up on him. And yet, her words rang clear in his head. He felt slightly pained but it was overwhelmed by the emotions that ran through him then. Guilt, fear, excitement, confusion, longing… Kai sat down and contemplated his desk accessories. And then, slowly, he breathed in and smiled.

Kai Hiwatari was elated because he had just received his confirmation.

**WMWMWMWMW**

With the bright sun effectively blocked by a pair of expensive sunglasses, Kai spend the next hour driving aimlessly around. He was trying to decide whether he was willing to risk Takao and their friendship should all his suspicious be wrong, and in the end knew that he could not wait any longer. It had been so long, and just the glimmer of hope he had received today… he no longer had any patience.

And thus started his trip of attempting to find the evasive blunette, whom he still could not reach by telephone. He did not have to look for long, however: Takao turned out to be at the first stop he made, which was the bluenette's house.

Kai parked, walked up to the front door and rang the doorbell. He waited patiently and hopefully for any sign of inhabitation, and was not disappointed. He soon heard shuffling and then Takao saying, "Eh, gramps, I can't believe you forgot your keys again…!" Kai smirked as the door was thrown open to reveal the bluenette dangling a set of house keys.

"Gramps—oh, Kai." Takao stopped on the threshold and his expression changed. He looked ruffled and was still in his pyjamas, which were a set of plain navy silk, despite looking completely awake. Upon seeing Kai observing him he tried to give off a smile but he still looked glum.

"Hey, Kai. Didn't expect you here…thought it was gramps back for his keys…"

"I tried calling, but you wouldn't pick up," Kai told him as the bluenette ushered him inside and closed the door.

Takao shrugged as he padded back to kitchen, Kai at his heels. "Yeah, didn't feel like talking to anyone…" upon seeing Kai's expression (who wondered whether the blunette would prefer to be alone) he added with a devious grin, "You don't count."

He laughed and spun away as Kai swung at his head, before going to the fridge. Looking through the contents of the fridge, he seemed to have an inward struggle before finally pulling out the OJ carton.

"I don't feel like having breakfast," he informed the other, who raised a disbelieving eyebrow, "Hey, don't look at me like that! If you want anything you can go ahead…"

Kai shook his head, "I already ate. You might also notice that it's around 10:30 and too late for breakfast."

Takao rolled his eyes and poured two glasses of orange juice, handing one to Kai who looked at it, shrugged, and sipped some. As he watched the bluenette drinking from his own cup with a faraway look in his eye, Kai was reminded of the real reason he was here. Takao did look better than the night before—he always looked too good in Kai's opinion—and more cheerful but Kai could tell that his friend was still mulling over his break up. Which was only natural but which also made Kai extremely doubt himself.

_How appropriate_, he thought ironically, _we are alone. _

Pulling out a chair, Takao ushered Kai to sit down before plopping into another one himself. Despite his best efforts, Takao looked morose.

"How are you feeling?" Kai asked after some time of silence.

After shifting uncomfortably Takao shrugged and set his cup aside. "Still crappy but better, I guess," he said, "These things take time." He shrugged again as though not knowing what else to do.

Kai nodded and continued to sip some orange juice. He wondered if he should mention speaking to Hilary, who did not seem to be faring well either.

"I was up most of the night thinking about it," Takao now started, still looking uncomfortable and reminding Kai of his own sleeplessness due to this issue. "I kept thinking, you know, if I talk to Hilary and maybe try to reconcile or something…"

Kai looked up, his heart sinking, but the bluenette was quick to continue.

"But I don't think I can. I don't think it will work out. I realize, now, that there's only one person out there I can be with and well…" he trailed off again, looking ashamed.

Setting his glass down with a _plunk_, Kai tried to muster up some courage to say something. But the more he looked at Takao, who simply looked unhappy, the more his courage seemed to seep away.

"Takao," he began, finally, softly. The other looked up at his tone, and their eyes met.

Kai maintained the eye contact, trying to convey his feelings silently or to at least see what he had seen so clearly on the bluenette the night before. He was not denied: something deep and fearful lurked in those depths, but could it be…

"Kai, I…" Takao said, seeming unable to contain himself, "I…" Kai leaned forward almost unnoticeably, wanting desperately for everything to come clear. And then, Takao jumped up, almost knocking over his chair in the process.

"I need to shower," he said quickly before exiting and leaving Kai sitting there feeling, once again, disappointed.

As Takao took his time in the bathroom, Kai decided that he will be the one to take the first move. Of course he cared about Takao and would be devastated if his confession broke off all of their ties, but he realized that he could not stand the uncertainty. Why was Takao so nervous? What was it exactly that he wanted to say but did not appear to be able to? Perhaps, if Takao did not share his feelings, then he would at least accept them. Perhaps he would be open minded and their friendship would continue on.

_Who am I kidding_, Kai thought with a sigh, _but maybe risking it and knowing is better than this… this nothingness._

Despite Hilary's words and his own observations, Kai could not understand how, in his study, he had felt so certain that Takao did feel something for him. Here, in the bluenette's domain, with him being only behind the closed door of the bathroom, Kai's doubts were more ugly than ever but his mind was set.

Takao looked uneasy to find Kai seated on his bed once he entered his bedroom. He looked sexy: he was covered only by a white towel around the waist and his long dark hair hung down his back. The bluenette fidgeted to ensure that the towel was firmly in place as Kai got up and walked towards him. Kai found this odd: Takao was not the kind to be shy or reserved. Quite contrarily, he was often teasing and bold, and liked to laugh loudly at the uncomfortable faces of his victims.

They stood face to face, eye to eye. Takao's arms fell away from the towel as though in defeat.

"Hilary told me I'm dense," Kai murmured, trying not to let his eyes wander below the bluenette's moist lips.

A look of realization flitted across the bluentte's face, who seemed to shrink away not physically but in spirit.

"Kai," he began, voice sounding rather choked, and Kai did not need to hear anything else. He leaned in until he could see every fleck in the other's irises before their lips touched. A bolt of electric shock seemed to surge through him and he closed his eyes. Takao seemed to have felt it too because he trembled and his arms automatically wrapped themselves around Kai's waist.

Kai kissed him softly, his arms slowly rising to encircle his naked, slightly damp torso. He tried not to moan at how amazing if felt for those lips to kiss him back; instead he concentrated on conveying all of his feelings and waiting and longing through their touch. Their tongues connected and licked lightly and then Kai let Takao's invite his into the hot cavern of the bluenette, exploring…

After a few heated moments of kissing and touching, Kai pulled back, eyes immediately seeking the truth he craved for. They were both panting and Takao's eyes were clouded with something that could have been lust and which made Kai shudder.

He seemed not to have any reservations. "Kai… I can't believe… she told you? I—"

"She didn't," Kai leaned in again and nipped at his lips, trying not to attack the vast stretch of enticing skin before him, "I just, last night… I had a feeling—"

He was also cut off as Takao's fingers made their way between their mouths and silenced him.

Takao moved his lips to Kai's ear and whispered, "Tell me later. There's something I want to do before someone interrupts…"

Kai groaned, his arms pulling the other's body solidly against his. Takao gasped and the towel fell away to the floor. Kai smirked as they kissed again and Takao's hands made frantic attempts at undressing him…

Later, they lay tangled and Kai could barely contain his elation. After so long, he could not believe that Takao did return his feelings. He had despaired over this for so long and then suddenly… just like that…

There had been no verbal confessions because not much was said. But if Takao's eyes and his touches weren't obvious then Kai didn't know what is.

"Mm, Kai," Takao's voice rumbled deeply against his neck. Kai inhaled and closed his eyes. "After all these years, and I was trying to let it go. I guess I didn't because even though I made myself believe it was impossible, I was really too afraid to..."

He sounded content; Kai ran his fingers through the still slightly damp locks of the bluenette, not caring one bit that they were so. After a moment he decided to reply.

"Years," he said softly, "So much time lost."

To his surprise, Takao's lips curled into a smile against his skin.

"Well then, maybe we should work extra hard to make up for all the lost time…" he said, and, leaning up, kissed Kai indulgently again.

**WMWMWMWMW**

So? Did you guys expect that? I guess Kai's not as dense as Hilary seems to think he is… just realistic. Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed it and please review. Much appreciated!


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